Review: Rain And Revelation by Therese Pautz ★★★★

I received a copy of this book from the author for review.

I haven't been accepting many books for review lately, because I dislike the feeling of obligation that accepting a book for review brings with it, especially the past chunk of time, with my reading so erratic and all.

But Therese emailed me, and I checked out the book and it intrigued me. The cover drew me in, and the description left me wondering, and both are good things. So I accepted a review copy, but then all that erratic reading happened again, and I sat on this one for over a month.

I picked it up last night, and I'll admit that right off the bat, I was a little apprehensive. This is written in 1st person present tense, which is honestly my least favorite narrative style. I thought right away that I was going to be constantly distracted by the narrative. I will admit that there were a few times that repetitive wording or phrasing jumped out at me ("If there's a choice, I don't see it" and "If I have a choice, I don't see it" both showed up within 9 pages of each other, for example), but once I got into the story, I was engrossed, and read the majority of the book in one sitting this afternoon. Which is pretty impressive, since, as I've mentioned, I have Erratic Reading Syndrome (ERS).

I am pleasantly surprised by how much I actually did enjoy this story, considering my first impressions last night. I thought that the characters were all well done, and understandable, if a bit frustrating. I truly felt as though I was trying to figure things out with Eliza as she went along - not just about the mystery, but also who Eliza is, or wants to be.

I got the feeling that Eliza had done a lot of growing up in a short time, even before the start of the book, and didn't yet realize it. Her interactions with Fiona just held that awkwardness of friends who are drifting apart but are unsure why or how. This is one of the things that I liked best about the book. We're not in Eliza's head a lot - just when she's actively questioning or piecing things together - but it never feels like there's any narrative missing. She is understandable and relatable, even if I don't always necessarily agree with her reactions, so it's easy to keep up with her moods and changes.

The story itself is interesting, and kept me reading through to the end to find out the answers to the questions, but also to find out what the repercussions of the answers would be.

I felt for Annie, after learning what she had gone through, and though the subject matter was grim, the writing was never manipulative or overly sentimental. I liked that quite a bit. Let the story speak for itself. If you've written a good one, it will. This one did.

Overall, I really enjoyed it, and I would recommend it to someone looking for a good way to spend a rainy afternoon.



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Review: The Fault In Our Stars by John Green ★★★

3.5 stars
Ok, so a little background, just to get a base point for some of my reactions to this book. In late 2010, I read Green's "Looking For Alaska". I ended up liking it more than I thought that I would, but for a long time I'd avoided it based on incorrect preconceived notions regarding what the book was about. It wasn't until I'd watched some of John and Hank Green's Vlogbrothers videos that I decided to go for it. And that made a difference. I could see John in the story - in the quirky intelligent teen characters, in the irreverence, and I liked it. After that, I bought "An Abundance of Katherines" & "Paper Towns", but I haven't read anything but their synopses yet.

So, flash-forward to present day. "The Fault In Our Stars" is chosen to be read among friends, and so I read it. And immediately, I'm struck again by the quirky intelligent teen characters, and the irreverence... But now, it's not so different, because now it seems like a pattern. A style. And that makes it less meaningful. When everyone is profoundly quirky and intelligent, it begins to seem a little trite.

So here again we have quirky intelligent characters, including a host of 16 year olds with ridiculously sophisticated vocabularies, and including an "extremely sophisticated twenty-five-year-old British socialite stuck inside a sixteen-year-old body in Indianapolis". These are midwest teenagers who sound like they're members of the Intelligentsia. Everything is profound and has "metaphorical resonance". It just didn't feel realistic to me.

Case in point: At one point there's correspondence with an author of a book that the main characters found profound, and I had a hard time differentiating between the voice of the Profound Author and the teens.

That shouldn't be the case. Ever. When one of the teens mentioned rhetorically whether the other thought they'd made up the Profound Author's letter, whether it sounded like something they'd come up with, I thought, "Yes!"

It's just too much for EVERYONE in these stories to be so quirky. Where are the average teens who just hang out with each other and don't use $10 words to say hi to each other? It was just unrealistic for me, especially in a book trying desperately to show that kids with cancer are just normal kids who shouldn't be treated deferentially just because they are sick. The problem here is that these weren't normal kids. These were extraordinary ones. Like everyone else. *sigh*

It took about half the book for this annoyance to peter out. It was like, at this point, the quirkiness and $10 conversations took a backseat to the story, finally. And that's when I really started to love it. Coincidence? I think not. Extraordinary characters are great and all, when, as a friend put it, they have "an ordinary background to shine against". I couldn't agree more.

I was far more affected and heartbroken by the simple, no-nonsense way that Hazel talked about her parents and how they were coping (or failing to cope) with her cancer prognosis than by her constant multi-syllabic conversations about the metaphorically resonant quality of... whatever.

There was a line near the end of the book that kind of summed this up perfectly:

"He wasn't perfect or anything. He wasn't your fairy-tale Prince Charming or whatever. He tried to be like that sometimes, but I liked him best when that stuff fell away."

I loved all the bits of this book that were in between all of the uber-profound stuff. The bits about loving and losing in terms of how much both hurt in stark terms of pure aching. Fancy words are fancy, but sometimes the beauty is in simplicity. When all the pretense fell away, and it was just two people wanting to spend as much time as they had left together, it became the story it always should have been.

This ended up being a moving and heartbreaking book, but I think it would have been a much better one had it been written more simply.

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Review: We Need to Talk About Kevin by Lionel Shriver ★★★★★

I started this review 6 times, and each time, I deleted it because it didn't quite convey the right thing. I think the problem is that I'm not sure just what that thing is. But one thing I do know is that I love books that make me feel like this... that "I don't know what I need to say but I need to say something, to talk about this with someone because this book won't keep quiet in my mind" feeling.

I guess it's lucky that this was chosen for our latest group read then, because I filibustered there with every jumbled, messy, half-formed thought that my tired-because-I-stayed-up-until-nearly-2am-with-this-book-then-worked-a-full-8-hours mind could think of... Because this book won't keep quiet in my mind. I finished it last night around 1:30am, tears streaming down my face, hurting for everyone and furiously heartbroken over something so unnecessary and so seemingly unavoidable as what was depicted. Then I slept, and I dreamed about this book, with hazy, distant figures without names or faces, but bigger than life aspects.

It's rare that I dream about books. It doesn't matter if I read it up until the minute I drop off; I only dream about a book I'm reading, or have read if it pulled me into its world first. I dream about the books that touch my soul. *cue dramatic music*

This book was just... wow. If I were to nitpick anything, it would be that Eva's pen wandered a tiny bit too much into the outside world. I wanted to see her world, the world of her family, or her lack thereof. It took a little bit to get there, and for a while, there were hints but the narrative meandered along in its own time. But oh my, once it got going, it really got going. I don't think it was just my last minute mad dash to read this the day before my bookclub meeting that helped me to read 75% of this book in one night after work... it was unputdownable. Once I glimpsed this family's world, I couldn't look away.

There is... so much to talk about in this book. And I don't think that I could even attempt to do the topics or themes any justice (as I didn't in my bookclub, not for lack of trying). This is a book that begs to be turned around to the beginning again and immediately re-read. It's like one of those optical illusions. At first, the picture is simple, but then once you see the hidden picture within it, you gain a new appreciation for the whole.

This book was beautifully written, insightful, questioning and heartbreaking. It was nothing at all like I expected, and even guessing the things that I guessed (which turned out to be true), it didn't make the impact any less. This book was so incredible at making me sympathize and empathize with each person's perspective, though we only see these through Eva's brutally honest memory, that it was impossible for me to lay blame anywhere, even though the potential for assigning blame was huge.

This was expertly executed (pun intended), and it is not one that I will forget any time soon.

Review: People of the Book by Geraldine Brooks ★★★★

I've had this book on my to-read list for a long time, 3 years or so, but it was one of those books that I didn't really think that I would ever really get to. A 'lifer'. I'd read Brooks' Year of Wonders back in 2008, and I liked it, but about 4 years has passed now, and the more I read in those intervening years, the more I came to feel like it wasn't really all that impressive, after all. I especially feel that way after finishing People of the Book. The writing in YOW just doesn't even hold a candle to the writing in POTB. It's a beautifully written, moving book, and I'm sorry that I put off reading it for so long.

I will say that there were parts of POTB that felt too modern for the historical sections, and even too "British" (mainly because the 'could/should/would have done' phrase sticks out like a sore thumb to me), and I thought that the romantic interest was awkward and didn't really ever sit right with me, but aside from those two things, I couldn't really find anything to criticize in this book.

I read for pleasure, and this book drew me in. I thought it was a fantastic melding of history, bibliophilia, socio-political issues, and life. I thought the characters were interesting, and even though most of them were only bit-players, I never actually felt like that's what they were while reading. They had history, and depth, and personality, and I very much enjoyed reading their stories, even when they were disturbing or heartbreaking.

But mostly, I loved this book for the story of the haggadah itself. I loved the way that the history of the book unfolded, with each clue to its journey through the years being shown as a story in itself, moving backwards in time until the origin of the book is shown. The historical sections were wonderful - they all felt completely real, although they were all horrifying as well, especially the 1492 Inquisition section.

I remember studying the Inquisition in school, and somehow it never really conveyed just how fucked up that shit was. That's probably why we never learn anything. We sanitize history to the point where it's completely lost all meaning, so we just keep doing the same shit over and over. We're still killing each other over differences in opinion regarding which religion is "right", or because a man dares to love another man and want to share his life with him, or because someone's skin is the wrong color, or because... we're just fucking bored and hate-filled. For fuck's sake. When will we grow up?

"You've got a society where people tolerate difference[...] and everything's humming along: creative, prosperous. Then somehow this fear, this hate, this need to demonize 'the other' --it just sort of rears up and smashes the whole society."

/soapbox

Fantastic book. I highly recommend it.

Review: House Rules by Jodi Picoult ★★★★

Confession time: I had no intention of ever reading a Jodi Picoult book. To me, her books were pretty much equivalent to Nicholas Sparks' books.* Formula: Mix one part "issue" with one part "sap" and one part "luuuuuurve", then swallow. If nausea occurs, try Pepto to keep it down.

*Sparks' books are still ones that I have no intention of ever reading. I watched 'A Walk to Remember' and 'The Notebook'. That's enough for one lifetime. There's like 50 movies based on his books now or something, and you know they're scraping the bottom of the barrel when Miley Cyrus is the best they can get to star act be filmed in one. *shudder*

So when this was chosen for my bookclub, I wasn't exactly looking forward to it, and prepared myself to be reticent at the next meeting.

Aside from that, I was worried about the portrayal of a teen with Asperger's Syndrome, particularly because the only other book that I've read with an autistic character was very disappointing for me. I couldn't help but mentally compare the two books, and my opinion of that other book was constantly reinforced: it just lacked substance, depth. It was just mediocre. House Rules was anything but mediocre. It was interesting, insightful, informative and fulfilling.

I'm no Asperger's expert, but I thought that the book worked on many different levels at portraying not only the thought processes and behaviors of one who has it, but also of everyone that is affected by it. I felt that Picoult did her homework, and that she presented the traits, and possible causality, fairly and honestly. There are perspectives on whether heredity, or immunizations, or just randomness cause autism to develop, and I liked and appreciated that it was not treated as an excuse to demonize vaccines.

I particularly empathized with Emma and Theo. Their perspectives were so raw and honest that I couldn't help but love them for it. Emma's raised two sons on her own for 15 years - something that is hard enough without throwing autism into the mix. Her whole life has centered around it. She's done everything in her power to give him the best life she can, and if she suffers for it, that's just part of the job.

There were points in Theo's chapters where he'd be thinking something that an outsider would think is horrible, and even berating himself for it, and I would just sit there commending him for the things he didn't say. For example:

"True confession number four: I don't sit around thinking about having kids, nor­mally, but when I do it scares the shit out of me. What if my own son winds up being like Jacob? I’ve already spent my whole childhood dealing with autism; I don’t know if I can handle doing it for the rest of my life."

This is a superficially selfish thought, yes, but then I read the subtext to be that he's assuming he'd be around to take care of any kid of his who has autism. He'd stick it out, not leave like his own father did. He'd try to do the right thing, even if he doubts his abilities to do it. It makes me proud of him, and sad for him, at the same time. Because he's lived on the sidelines of autism for his whole life already. His childhood was constantly colored by the routines and the contingencies and the chaos of his brother's condition. To never have "normality" would have to be a terrifying, daunting thought.

Regarding the mystery aspect, I pegged it pretty quickly - about 30% in. All the clues were there, and it wasn't hard to figure out. But I was still interested to see if I was right, or if there would be some twist, other than the one I predicted, to shock me. I kept being a little frustrated with the investigation too. This kid is extremely literal, and extremely honest. Why did nobody think to just ask him directly? I guess I understand why, honestly, but it was still kind of frustrating. And so for that, I knocked off a star. But the rest of the story, the personal and familial aspects, were fantastic. I loved it.

Overall, this was a highly enjoyable book, and I will probably be picking up more of Picoult's books now that I know they aren't likely to be tapped for maple syrup anytime soon. ;)

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Author Interview: Jolene Perry, Author of Night Sky

After losing Sarah, the friend he’s loved, to some other guy, Jameson meets Sky. Her Native American roots, fluid movements, and need for brutal honesty become addictive fast. This is good. Jameson needs distraction – his dad leaves for another woman, his mom’s walking around like a zombie, and Sarah’s new boyfriend can’t keep his hands off of her.

As he spends time with Sky and learns about her village, her totems, and her friends with drums - she's way more than distraction. Jameson's falling for her fast.

But Sky’s need for honesty somehow doesn’t extend to her life story – and Jameson just may need more than his new girl to keep him distracted from the disaster of his senior year.

Interview:

Jolene Perry is the author of Night Sky. Jolene grew up in Wasilla, Alaska. She graduated from Southern Utah University with a degree in political science and French, which she used to teach math to middle schoolers.

After living in Washington, Utah and Las Vegas, she now resides in Alaska with her husband, and two children. Aside from writing, Jolene sews, plays the guitar, sings when forced, and spends as much time outside as possible.

She is also the author of The Next Door Boys and the upcoming Knee Deep.

Q: Can you give a description of what the book is about in 5 words or less?
A: Boy. Girl. Mess. Another girl.

Q:  What about Night Sky do you think would appeal to those who are not Young Adult contemporary romance readers?
A: Jameson was a blast to write. I love that it took place in Las Vegas, and the bits of Sky's heritage were also a lot of fun. The thread of honesty weaves throughout - something that could be a part of any type of fiction.

Q: What is your favorite aspect of Native American culture?
A: Mostly the idea that we're all part of something a lot bigger than ourselves. I love people who are connected to the beliefs and the traditions of their families who are long gone.

Q: Jameson seems to have a lot of changes going on in his life - what advice would you give a teen going through something similar?
A: No matter how crappy life seems, it'll get better. We have a hard time seeing outside of what's happening in our lives at any given moment, but when we can, no matter what's happening now, will seem a little better.

Q: What is your favorite thing about being a writer?
A: That my hobby is my job, AND that I get to tell stories all day.

Q: Is there any particular message or theme that you hope someone would take away from Night Sky?
A: I love the idea that when people are really, truly, honest with each other, it can be a lot more exciting than being secretive.

Q:  If you could be a character in any book, which character would you be, and why?
A: This is a hard question to answer, because in a way, I get to be each person that I write, so I feel like I spend a lot of time in other people's shoes. The other thing is that stories tend to be real life, only with more drama. I honestly have enough drama, and prefer to be me. Kind of boring, but true.

Thanks so much for giving me the chance to be here today!!

~ Jolene

Where To Find Night Sky:

Purchase Links: For Your Kindle | For Your Nook | From Smashwords | PDF
eBook
ISBN: 9780983741862
ISBN: 9781466052338
Pages: 247
Release: March 1, 2012 

Review: Leviathan Wakes by James S.A. Corey ★★★★★

Confession Time: I'm very bad at categorizing genres and sub-genres, so it didn't dawn on me that Leviathan Wakes would be considered a "space opera" until I saw it in the genre listing on the book's Goodreads page. I still don't really know what that is (space opera, not a Goodreads page), despite having read the Wikipedia page and stuff. I think of "space opera" and this comes to mind:

Probably not the same thing.

But I did realize that my last attempt at reading a "space opera", The Warrior's Apprentice, left me distinctly underwhelmed.

So, if not for Audible, this book was probably a Lifer. By that I mean a book that will just sit on my radar forever, but never actually get picked up and read -- at least not for a long, long time. I have lots of these, unfortunately. There are just too many books, and too little time in the day. (If only my job would stop being so insistent that I show up!)

How did Audible, that evil (MWAHAHAHA!) Amazon company, factor in you ask? Well, not only did they give me a $10.00 credit for my 1 year anniversary of having an account with them (woohoo! free money!), but then they also put this audiobook on sale for $4.95. So Audible bought me this audiobook. And it rocked. Thanks, Audible!

So let's get down to business and talk about how much I loved this book.



Wait, wait... no... I was right before. This much:



Because I loved The Fifth Element, and I loved Leviathan Wakes.

This book had everything. Great, believable, and realistic characters, an interesting plot, fantastic scope and worldbuilding, just the right amount of plausibility to make it terrifying, brilliant humor that was perfectly timed and hit just the right notes to make me laugh out loud, and it had what were awesomely called 'vomit zombies'.

In fact, the only thing I can find to criticize, and it's more of a nitpick, is the overabundance of saids peppering the narrative. Holden said, Miller said, Naomi said, Fred said, Amos said, etc etc etc. Listening to the many saids being read was a little tedious, but only occasionally; it was mainly noticeable during long stretches of pure dialogue.

Otherwise, I loved everything about this book, and the reading. The reader did a great job at letting the story do the talking, and despite only getting to listen to this in small chunks at a time, I was engrossed in the story.

I loved the characters, and especially enjoyed the way that the two main characters, Holden and Miller, interacted with each other. They are from different sides of the personality spectrum, with two completely different ways of handling a situation, but when the shit (or the zombie vomit) hits the fan, they effortlessly slip into "Let's discuss this when we aren't dead" mode, and just kick ass. I loved it. I thought they complemented each other wonderfully, and the arc of their working relationship was realistic and understandable, from both sides.

Which brings me to the dual narrative. This story is told by alternating viewpoint chapters, and I thought it worked perfectly. We get to see things from two different perspectives, and it allows for so much more story information to be conveyed without huge info-dumps. I liked the noir detective story feel of Miller's chapters, and it contrasted nicely to the more high-tech, adventure feel of Holden's chapters. And then when they run into each other and become a sort of hybrid, I loved that, too.

Speaking of the technology, I thought it was brilliant. We've colonized other planets, and moons, and we can mine ice from Saturn's rings, and travel through space at 7+ Gs. The methods of combating nausea and blackouts during travel at these speeds is interesting, and plausible. The technology that allows us to live on little rocks millions of miles away from the sun is fascinating. But it's still familiar, in a way. RADAR and LADAR are things I've heard of. It's not too much of a stretch to get from where we are now, to where this story shows us in just a few short centuries.

The Protogen project is also plausible, and frankly terrifying, as is the reaction to it. I was totally Team Miller on this one, despite usually landing on Holden's side of the opinional axis. I shudder to think of situations like the ones depicted in this book, and can't help but think that it would happen exactly like this if it were to one day come to pass. I would hope that we've learned from past mistakes... but we don't. This is not-too-distant-future, where we've colonized the solar system, but we're still human. Racism and bigotry is larger scale, because our bodies have adapted to living off-earth, but our minds are still stuck in the 'us vs them' small-town mode, and now we just have more differences to divide us.

But I digress. I loved this book. I loved the world(s), and the characters, and, well, everything. This worked perfectly as a stand-alone novel, but I definitely cannot wait to read more of this series.

Review: Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson ★★

2.5 Stars
This is an issue book, a book about a terrible thing, and how one person copes with it. I pretty much knew what the unspeakable thing was going in. It wasn't really hard to figure out even before I started, but I didn't feel like this book was about the "what happened", but rather that it was about the "what happens next". In a way, it worked for me, but in others it definitely did not.

I felt a little like Melinda's art teacher, wanting more life and honesty to shine through. Some parts were really good, poignant and realistic... but they were the wrong parts. The parts I wanted the most depth and honesty from were the ones dealing with what happened, with the loss of everyone Melinda could confide in, the inability to make people see her pain. I wanted those things to speak to me, and I feel like other aspects of the book were louder, more focused on. Melinda's sarcasm and wry sense of humor, even if it's just inside her head, for instance. Her observation of the social cliques and school were right on. I liked her voice, her sardonic viewpoint, but I wanted less of that and more of her coping with what happened to her. No... I take that back. I didn't want less of that, I wanted it to relate more to what she was going through. It felt like being inside ANY sarcastic highschool freshmen's head.

The "what happened" part is almost unimportant, except that it's the catalyst for this story. It's supposedly the thing that silences Melinda... but I don't really get that. I can understand her fear, but I don't feel like it changed her much otherwise, and it just seems "off" to me, somehow.

It's the little things that make me feel this way, that there's not enough contrast between "before-Melinda" and "after-Melinda". Her room not having its own Melinda personality and resonance, her routine post-it note communication with her family, her thinking about what her friends will think of a boy paying attention to her before thinking about what SHE thinks of a boy paying attention to her... It's like she has no personality of her own. So her silence doesn't have the power I wanted it to have.

I wanted her silence to speak volumes. I wanted to see the huge changes in her, the unignorable wrongness of her tongue being trapped by fear. I wanted to see all of that and more... even if it was only for my benefit and nobody else around her could see it, if that makes sense. We're the ones in Melinda's head, seeing her world through her eyes and living her life along with her. I wanted to really feel it... and what I felt was more like a very introverted girl than a victim.

When Melinda finally found her voice, I wanted more resolution. I wanted to see the repercussions, for everyone involved, and for Melinda to really find strength and use it... and I felt like that was all kind of glossed over in a "who's the outcast now?" kind of highschool way. Really? No criminal charges? No counseling? Nothing? I wanted strength and inspiration to come pouring out of the last pages of this story, but instead, the story just ends. We can extrapolate and hope that Melinda gets there, but we're technically on our own.

I had very high expectations for this book and I wanted to love it. While I enjoyed some aspects of it, the aspects that I really wanted to shine just didn't. I wanted more, I expected more, and unfortunately, I just feel like this one fell really short of what I'd hoped it would be.

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Review: Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck ★★★★★

"Guy don't need no sense to be a nice fella. Seems to me sometimes it jus' works the other way around. Take a real smart guy and he ain't hardly ever a nice fella." - Of Mice And Men

I really think I love John Steinbeck, which is surprising to me, because I never would have thought of myself as a Steinbeck reader. There's just something about the way he writes that cuts through all the bullshit and pretense and just tells it like it is, and I find that really refreshing. Sometimes they aren't easy, and sometimes they hurt, but it's the kind of hurt that, hopefully, makes us want to be better. At least it makes me feel that way.

I know it'll be hard for those of you reading this to believe, but I can sometimes be a bit of a bitch. I can be demanding, irrational, impatient and moody, and sometimes my annoyance and irritation is taken out on unsuspecting innocents, or at least people who don't really deserve the hell I serve up on a platter. So, this book resonated with me. George resonated with me, and I felt myself willing him to be patient, to just try to understand Lennie's perspective, all while my face is flushing red from the knowledge that I don't always practice what I was preaching. I'm a damn hypocrite.



I really felt this book, as seems to be the case with the Steinbeck books I've read lately. I could identify with all of the characters in some way, and I love that. In such a short book, it's easy to get the characters very wrong... either they are caricatures, or they are cliches or they just plain stink and are boring. I really felt like I understood these characters, even if I didn't like them. At the end of the book, when Lennie asks George to yell at him, isn't he going to hit him, isn't he going to tell him he'd be better off without him, I found that just heartbreaking... that Lennie's sense of normalcy stems from George's frustration with him. I felt for George too. He only wants to take care of Lennie, but sometimes it's so hard. He can't be everywhere at once, and has had to make so many sacrifices in order to keep Lennie out of the kind of trouble that just comes from not knowing any better.

This story is just a smidge over 100 pages long, so it won't take you long to read at all, and I highly recommend it. Or you could take about 3 1/2 hours and let Gary Sinise read it to you, which is what I did. I wasn't sure about Gary at first, but he grew on me really quickly. I've never seen the movie, so I didn't know that he'd starred in the remake. Gary Sinise has a very recognizable voice, at least I think so, and it's kinda the opposite of my "preferred reader", but I thought he did a wonderful job reading this. The voices and the characters were all just right, and I'm not normally a "voice" fan when it comes to audio... I want the story to speak for itself.

This one definitely did that. This is the kind of story that will stick with me for a long time. As I was listening, I kept writing notes about thoughts that struck me, feelings that I had, concepts and themes in the book, and all sorts of interesting stuff that I don't really know how to express without spoiling this wonderful little story.

"The best laid schemes of mice and men oft' go astray." -- Robert Burns

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Review: Boy Meets Boy by David Levithan ★★★★

Boy Meets Boy by David Levithan
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

There's something about stories like this that just make me cry from sheer pride and happiness. I love when people are who they are, and when they're willing to fight to be happy and not live in someone else's world, but make their own if that's what it takes. It's the opposite of the gut-wrenching, soul-crushing, hollow-me-out-and-leave-me-weeping stories that I love. These fill me up with such pride I just want to SQUEE! all over the place, but end up always getting something in my eye instead... So, I loved this one. This is a celebration and examination of so many things... What it is to be gay, what it is to be a teenager, what it is to be in an unhealthy relationship, what it is to love, what it is to be something other than what is expected of us, what it is to be brave and stand up for what's right, what it is to be a friend... Gosh there is so much in this little book, I don't know how Levithan fit it all in. Maybe he writes really small. I loved this community. Everyone, well, MOSTLY everyone, is so unbelievably accepting and quirky and fun. It's like Perfect Small Town Community, Exhibit A. There's the park with a lake with paddleboats with names and personalities; there's the I Scream Parlor, which serves up horrifying ice-cream concoctions while playing horror movies; there's the music shop run by a couple with polar opposite taste, and the shop reflects that by being split down the middle; there's the movie rental place run by the guy who won't rent to anyone he doesn't know, won't help people find anything, and categorizes based on his own personal thoughts about the movies... and VHS format only. The football team quarterback and the Homecoming Queen is the same person, a drag queen called Infinite Darlene, and our main character's kindergarten teacher outed him for being gay on a progress report and nobody thought this was strange at all. I loved the community, but at the same time, I couldn't help but be a little distracted by the unrealistic perfection of it all. If the world were really like that, it would be amazing. Unfortunately, it's not, so the paragon of acceptance shown here comes off feeling a little cartoonish, a little too-good-to-be-true. This, and one unresolved issue, are the reasons why I can't give this 5 stars. The next town over, where Tony lives, is much more realistic, and this is where most of the stuff got in my eyes and made them water a lot. Tony's parents are of the religious variety, and aren't exactly accepting of their son's preference for boys. Seeing Tony struggle with the two aspects of his life, his parents and his heart, was hard for me. Paul's friendship with Tony was invaluable here. He provided the support that Tony needed to cope with these two warring forces in his life. There were some amazing lines in this little gem of a book. So many quotables that just stand out and shine. I'm surprised that this book doesn't glitter like Edward Cullen on a sunny day. (Actually, this is a library book, and there's something spilled on the back of it, and it seems like it's the image of a Sasquatch. He seems friendly though, from his stance.) Anyway, right. I could kind of quote this whole book, but then it would be plagiarism and that's not cool. But here's one of my favorite sections in the book:

"The first time I met you," he says, not directly to me, not directly to the floor -- somewhere in between, "I honestly couldn't believe that someone like you could exist, or even a town like yours could entirely exist. I thought I understood things. I thought I would get up every morning with a secret and go to sleep every night with the same secret. I thought my life would start only when I was out of here. I felt that I had learned something about myself too soon, and that there was nothing I could do to undo the truth. And I wanted to undo it, Paul. I wanted to so bad. Then I met you in the city and on the train, and suddenly it was like this door had been opened. I saw I couldn't live like I'd been living, because now there was another way to do it. And part of me loved that. And part of me still hates it. Part of me -- this dark, scared part of me -- wishes I never knew how it could be. I don't have the courage that you do."

It's kind of heartbreaking, right? Beautiful though. I really loved this book for everything that it is. On the surface, it's just this happy little boy meets boy book, a little whimsical, and fun, but underneath, it's so much more. I highly recommend it.

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Review: This Vacant Paradise by Victoria Patterson ★★★★

The 1990s—Newport Beach, California. Money is God. A man’s worth is judged by the size of his boat, the make of his car. A woman’s value is assessed by the blank perfection of her quantifiable desirability: dress size, cup size, the whiteness of her teeth. And oh yes: her youth. Though Esther Wilson, the heroine of Victoria Patterson’s profound and electric debut novel, has the looks to marry well, things aren’t going as planned. She’s nearing her mid-30s and possibly aging out of the only role she’s equipped to play: wife to a powerful member of the elite. Instead, Esther finds herself drawn to college professor Charlie Murphy, who challenges her and offers an alternative vision—one that he himself might not have the courage to follow.

Full disclaimer: I received a copy of this book for review.
I knew nothing about Victoria Patterson or her previous work when I received this book, but I am always willing to try new things, so I love when I get to review something outside of my box. Reading the description for this book, I was fully prepared for a light, fun read, perhaps with a little bit of depth thrown in for good measure. Like a social satire in the spirit of Austen, for example.

But my goodness, was I wrong. This is no whimsical story, no fun satirical skip through the elite's playground through the eyes of a down-on-her-luck upstart stuck on the bench, no fairy-tale romance where the girl goes through some rough patches but gets her heart's desire in the end. This is a serious book that demands to be read and taken seriously, that drags the reader along in its wake, showing this world in all its honesty.

I felt like I was a party to this community, a part of Esther herself, and Nora, and Charlie, and Brenda, and Paul and even Grandma Eileen. I could understand and empathize with these characters' feelings and disappointments and hopes, even when I didn't necessarily agree with them. I love when I am able to fall into the pages of a book and experience it, not just read it.

And Patterson most definitely allowed me to escape into this world. I felt like I was there, could hear the murmured conversations in the background, could smell the ocean, could see the brightness everywhere: the sun, the reflections off of the water, and waxed cars, and sunglasses and martini glasses. The sparkle of whitened teeth and the brightness of all of the Haves' projected self-image... the one they show to hide the person they are.

I won't talk too much about the characters, because I feel that people should get to know them themselves. To form their own opinions and make their own judgements. I will say that I really enjoyed Esther's journey, all her ups and downs, all her bitter disappointments and glimpses of hope. I can't say that I particularly liked Esther, but I feel like I got to know her. I felt that she was willing and wanting to try, and so she gets credit from me for that.

I did have a few issues with the book, a few ends that I wish were tied up more neatly, but honestly, I don't feel like this detracted from the book very much. We're able to see a snapshot in the lives of these people, and life's circumstances rarely end up prettily wrapped with a red bow on top. I felt that Charlie's class and equality conversations were a little, unnatural at times, especially with Esther. She has never been trained to think with a sociologist's mind, and I felt that he should have made it a bit more accessible to her so that she could really understand him, and the concepts he brought to her world. But again, this was a minor issue.

All in all, I enjoyed this book very much. It's not at all what I expected, but sometimes, the unexpected is exactly what we need.

Review: Shine by Lauren Myracle ★★★★★

(I received a copy of this book for review through Star Book Tours.)

I've never read any of Lauren Myracle's other books. I'm not much into the whole "txt-spk" thing, so those books have never sparked my interest. Not my cup of tea. Other than those, I couldn't have named another book Myracle had written before today. But this... this book called out to me. Not only because of the absolutely gorgeous cover, but because of the premise, and because it's set in the South. I love me some books set in the South. And because it has Issues. Issues with a capital 'I'.

And boy, did this deliver. If it hadn't been written with such grace and honesty, and a light touch and sense of innocence, it could have gone so very, very badly wrong. The Issues in this book are the kind that outsiders abhor and denounce, while those living in and around and with them are almost oblivious to their existence as an 'Issue' at all. To those people, it's just life. Normal. Everyday. This book touched on a lot of things. Poverty, addiction, class division, alcoholism, abuse, homosexuality and homophobia, fear and hatred, small-town politics, friendship and loyalty, etc. So many things that some could have easily gotten lost and confused. But even with all of these issues entwined throughout the story, I never felt that it forgot what it was.

I loved the way this story was written. I love the way it was parceled out, little by little, edging closer to the truth and the consequences and the brokenness, like a hungry mouse sneaking closer to a crumb not far from the cat's bed. The mouse knows that rushing will cause it to lose its chance, to be hurt -- but caution and stealth may win it a chance to survive. This book was like that. It crept along, building momentum, until it reached where it needed to be.

I instantly fell in love with these characters, especially Cat and Patrick. My heart broke for the things that they lost, both before and after Patrick is beaten and left for dead. I loved their friendship, and the simple acceptance of it. I loved Mama Sweetie, Patrick's Grandma, and her kindness and wisdom and faith. I usually find it hard to accept religion in books, because so very often it comes across as preachy. That was not the case here. It was less religion and more a matter of faith - a simple knowledge that there's something and someone there for us. No judgment, no fire and brimstone, no recriminations for every little thought, just a sense of "If you want, you can - if not, that's OK too." I liked that.

This book is gorgeous and amazing from cover to cover, and I was so wrapped up in this community and these lives that I almost didn't want to see, but I couldn't look away. I found one thing, one little thing, about the very end to be a bit unbelievable, but I understand it, and I wasn't disappointed. All in all, I loved this book and I think it's one that I will need to own, to re-read and absorb and love.

It's that good.

Review: Rotters by Daniel Kraus ★★★★

I received an advance review copy of this book from Star Book Tours for review. I requested it purely based on the cover and title - I didn't know anything about it, but I'm kind of morbid so I hoped it would be as good as it looked. I wasn't disappointed.

I didn't really know what to expect... zombies? I was hopeful, I'll admit. I love zombies, and if this one contained them, I had no doubt they would be awesome. But no zombies here, and the more I read, the more I appreciated this for the realistic story it was. This is the story of a mostly normal boy who gets thrust into this very unconventional situation and life.

Here's the gist: Joey Crouch's mother dies, and he is sent to live with the absentee father he never knew, in a small town where hostility reigns, and Joey finds understanding in the most unlikely quarter one can think of - the Diggers... Grave robbers.

I was hooked right from the start. The first part of the book, the fear and the surety and the paranoia, and specifically the specifying, drew me right into to Joey's life and I wanted to know more, and to find out what happens to this boy. His life goes is completely out of control and he has nobody and nothing at all he can rely on, and I found it fascinating how he dealt with - or failed to deal with - this new life he's got. His struggles were what kept me glued to the book. He was nothing if not real. His mistakes and compulsions frightened me on his behalf. I love an underdog, so I wanted him to persevere and prevail against those against him... and against himself.

I loved the fact that the students at Bloughton High were realistic. They may have been a little cliche, actually, but teenagers ARE cliche. The jocks are jocklike, the snooty mean girl is snooty and mean (and a girl), the outcasts are outcast. But the devil is in the details with these kids, and I thought the portrayal was great. Just enough to read into them and make them more than cliche without needing it to be spelled out in big bold letters. I loved Foley. He may have been my favorite character. I wished that he was a bigger part of the book, actually.

I also liked the Diggers. They were a varied and interesting group, and I loved their independent camaraderie. I love the history and the mostly noble feel of these men, and the sacrifices they make for this calling. I was fascinated by the way that the Diggers behaved among the dead, especially The Resurrectionist, as it was such a contrast to his behavior with the living. I would have loved more history and lore and more detail regarding the Diggers and their profession, but since this was Joey's story, and he's a 16 year old, I know why this would have been a mite tedious for him to relay.

I appreciated the unflinching way that the dead and that death were portrayed. I liked that there was a certain reverence and respect there, even among these men out to pry valuables from someone's cold dead fingers. There was quite a bit of gore and grime and muck, among other foul things, so this is probably best not read by those weak of stomach or virgin of ears (so to speak). But I thought that these details added a lot to the book - a kind of reality and truth that it might otherwise be lacking.

I really enjoyed the writing in this story, and many passages were gorgeously descriptive and evocative. I loved the contrast between these parts and the gritty and almost irreverent brutal honesty of the rest of the story. This one pulls no punches regarding bullying or loss, or about growing up and finding one's own path either. I really enjoyed it. I will definitely be on the lookout for more from this author.

Friday Flashback Review (11): Tim by Colleen McCullough ★★★★★

Friday Flashback is hosted by Jen at The Introverted Reader.

Wow... There is so much that I want to say about this book, and I don't know if I will really be able to do it all justice. I think I'm just going to go for my tried and true method and just ask you to tag along with my ramblings... Hopefully it will make sense at the end. :)

On the surface, "Tim" is a story of an unlikely relationship between a child-like 25 year old mentally retarded man, the title character, and a 43 year old straight-laced and emotionally distant spinster, Mary Horton. Naturally, their relationship is mutually beneficial, with each of them teaching the other how to live.

But the surface story, while absolutely moving and beautiful, is just the bottom layer of the cake. McCullough supplements that base with layer upon layer of detail and depth and insight and truth. While the finished product by another author may have been a tasty and even nice looking cake, in McCullough's expert hands it's something too amazing to actually mar by eating it. You want to keep this cake. You want to cherish it and remember every beautiful detail of it.

We're introduced to Tim, and from the beginning he's impossible not to love and want to protect. Tim's child-like innocence is what really broke my heart. He is tricked and fooled by his "friends", and is upset afterward, but not because he was tricked. His is not a knee-jerk reaction to being laughed at that causes him distress, it is the fact that he knows that he is not able to understand WHY he is being laughed at that distresses him. He seeks acceptance and understanding and love just like we all do.

All of us, that is, except Mary Horton. From the age of 14, she struggled and worked hard on her own to make a life for herself. Unfortunately, due to having a very hard childhood, her idea of "life" is one devoid of any personal relationships. She's never had a boyfriend, never wanted one, doesn't have any personal friends, and her only pleasures are solitary ones, her successes are material ones.

After a chance meeting with Tim, who fascinates her simply because of his sheer attractiveness, they each begin to fill a hole in the other person's life that neither knew they had. This isn't recognized until much later, but it warmed my heart to see them teaching each other what life is really about.

McCullough's descriptions of emotion and perception of the world is amazing. I'm not sure I've ever read anything like it. Her way with words is brilliant. It's like she's imparting secrets that you already knew, but just couldn't understand because the words are just words without MEANING. Even sitting here writing this, I'm at a loss to describe just what it is that touched me so deeply, but I'm close to tears just thinking about the way that she makes simple concepts turn into life-altering truths.

But more than that, she made me think of things in a way that I would never have thought of before. For instance, at one point when Tim is sleeping, Mary ponders what his dreams are like: Did he venture forth as limited in his nocturnal wanderings as he was during his waking life, or did the miracle happen which freed him from all his chains?

I had to stop and think about this. On the one hand, dreaming that you are not fettered by a mental handicap would lend the dreams a wonderful freedom, but on the other, I would imagine that waking up to realize that that freedom was only an illusion would be torture day after day. So, I hope that is not the case.

Another thing that I really enjoyed about McCullough's writing was its vividness. Her characters are just ALIVE and jump off the page. Their local slang and way of speaking had me laughing even while I had tears in my eyes, because while the phrases they use are hilarious, what they are actually saying is true in any language.

The characters are memorable, and none of them, not one, pulls any punches. I love that they say what they mean, and mean what they say. Brutally honest, perhaps, but if what needs to be said is important enough, sometimes it takes a brutal delivery to make it sink in.

I also loved the little snippets of Australian life and culture we get to see. I love reading about other cultures and people, and the only thing that I wish was extended was the small section dealing with the Australian bush. I wanted to see the people and find out how Mary would interact with them.

Anyway. I loved this book. I'm immensely glad that I read it, and can safely say that I will soon be reading much, much more of McCullough's writing.

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Review: Heidegger's Glasses by Thaisa Frank ★★★★

I really enjoy reading stories about the Holocaust and about the people who have lived through it. I suppose that in a way, it helps me to gain perspective in my own life, and reminds me that there is goodness to be found in everything. The suffering of the Jewish people during WWII was immense, yet they continue to hope and live. That means something to me.

Heidegger's Glasses takes a different path, a surreal and philosophical and almost mystical one, and is a very different, but no less moving or beautiful story, because of it. We are told in the beginning that the leaders of the Reich were believers in the occult, and felt that winning the war hinged on answering letters to the dead. To do that, the Compound was formed underground, and multi-lingual Jews were placed there as Scribes to answer the dead's letters. When a letter comes in from a well-known person close to the Reich to a close friend who is currently in Auschwitz, the order comes down to answer the letter, even though the recipient is still alive -- the Final Solution must be kept secret, so the letter must not come from Auschwitz.

This throws a huge wrench in the lives of the Scribes, and the people assigned to run the Compound. Elie Schacten is close to the Reich, and has the ability to move freely throughout Germany as few do, and uses this freedom to help people as she can. Gerhardt Lodenstein the Oberst, is a good-hearted man who finds safety for the Compound in flying under the radar. Stumpf, the former-Oberst of the Compound is a believer in the occult and takes the letter writing to the dead very seriously, but is a it of a fool, and so tends to bungle everything he touches. The letter is written, delivered... and goes very badly wrong.

I think that what I enjoyed most about this book is that we get to see the war and the Reich from people inside it that hate it. They don't believe and they live in fear and uncertainty that they will be found out. The Compound is a mostly-safe haven for the Scribes under Lodenstein, and a temporary refuge for Jews in hiding, but after Heidegger's letter fiasco, you can cut the tension with a knife. They aren't sure if the Reich will come crashing down on their heads, or if they've forgotten, or if they don't care... there are a million ifs, but life must go on and there's very little that can be done either way. I felt like I was there, and was worried for this group of people who had lost nearly everything already.

I really enjoyed the writing in this book. It felt simple, almost surreal without quotation marks for the dialogue. The prose was straightforward, but contained some beautiful quotes that I wish I'd have marked. The sections were very short, for the most part, and separated by the letters that the Scribes were answering. These letters told the story of the "outside world" almost as well as any full book would have done, so that by the end, we can see the danger that the Scribes have managed to avoid, mostly, but they still have reason to fear. There were some funny sections in the book as well, which surprised me, since I didn't expect it at all in a novel about Nazi Germany. This helped the surreal feeling as well, but also provided the story with a kind of false-lightness above the seriousness and fear.

The ending was a little abrupt for me. The time shift and the unresolved whereabouts of one of the characters was a bit sudden and and disappointing. I'd hoped for this character to find what they were searching for and to find happiness, so the shift to an entirely new character jarred a little bit. But otherwise, I really enjoyed the story, and would definitely recommend it to anyone looking for a WWII story scene through a different lens.

Disclaimer: I received a copy of this book for review from the publisher.

Review: Keep The Change by Steve Dublanica ★★★★

I've had Waiter Rant on my radar for a long time, but for some reason just never got around to picking it up. I waitressed for a period of about 3 months back when I was 16, and even from such a short amount of time, I had some crazy stories! I've worked directly with customers in a service industry in some way or another since then (until last July anyhow), so the premise of Waiter Rant and all that it entailed was appealing to me. Sharing experience stories with people who've been there and who know what it's like to be on the receiving end of someone else's bad day with a smile plastered on your face is only one of the aspects that appealed to me about the book. But I'd also heard that it was funny, and I love funny. And then there's the added bonus of maybe people on the other side of life seeing a bit of perspective in the "people in the service industry are people not slaves" variety...

Anyway, when I saw that the author of Waiter Rant had a new book coming out, I requested a review copy. I worked in the service industry, as I mentioned, since I was about 16, but only the 3 month waitressing segment involved tipping. Still I considered myself to be a good tipper anyway... Until now. I've learned quite a lot from this book, and find that my tipping habits don't quite make the grade except in the case of restaurant gratuities. In almost every other category, I'm abysmally ignorant of correct tipping etiquette.

My tipping habits:
- I tip 20% of the total whenever we go out to a restaurant. (Grade: A)
{Industry standard is 15% of the bill, including drinks.}
- I tip $1 a drink at bars. (Grade: C)
{Should be approx. 20% of the bill. I do not give myself a lower grade here because drink prices are pretty reasonable in my area: $2-4/beer/shot or $7-9/mixed drink.}
- I did not know to tip the doorman at hotels. (Grade: F)
{Shame!!}
- I tip cabdrivers, but generally far below average. (Grade: D)
{Should be around 20% of the fare. But in my defense, I don't use cabs often!}
- I didn't know to tip car mechanics or detailers. (Grade: F)
{Should be $20-50 or so, depending on the work.}
... This is getting ugly, so I'm going to stop now.
If an A grade is 5 points, B is 4 points, C is 3 points, D is 1 point and F is 0, my average would be... 1.8 - D minus. Ouch.

So, needless to say, I feel like I've learned something from Steve here. I feel like I've been something of a tipping stiff in my life... and this despite the fact that I've worked for tips in my life and know how hard they are to come by and live on. But, the good thing is that Steve has given me the means to mend my ways, and I intend to follow them. I kind of feel like keeping this book with me at all times, kind of like a Tipping Bible, to be used in times of need (when stepping out of a cab, or into a hotel, etc) and containing words to live my life by.

That might seem a little extreme, but honestly I don't think so. Steve represents the facts of the working-for-tips way of life, and they aren't pretty. I knew that wait staff is usually underpaid, which is why I tip 20% rather than 15%, but I had no idea that was the case with so many other service jobs. It makes me rather ashamed of myself for not realizing this was the case, and corporate America for allowing and encouraging this kind of workforce exploitation. Steve presents the situation as he sees it, and in often brutally honest, no-holds-barred way, but still with an edge of wit and humor that makes the message a little easier to swallow. It still packs a wallop, at least for me it did, but it's a necessary evil to learn these things. Ignorance is bliss... for the ignorant. For the person on the other end, another's ignorance isn't going to put food on the table or a roof over their family's heads.

I found this book to be very informative and entertaining while still providing me with information I might never have learned on my own. I appreciate that. And not only did it serve both of these purposes, but Steve seems to also something of a philosopher and has an ability to understand human nature. Probably this is from so much time working with people, but it's refreshing to see a book about human nature that's not pretentious and not full of drivel. It's refreshing to see a book which doesn't feel like its author is above the reader somehow. This is just a regular guy, trying to understand a prevalent issue. I liked that.

So I will definitely be going out this weekend and picking up Waiter Rant. I know it's a little backwards, but better late than never, right? I definitely recommend this book for anyone who is confused by tipping (as I was!)... And remember - when in doubt, ask. :)

Review: Looking For Alaska by John Green ★★★★

I've been seeing this book around for quite a while, but I never really thought about reading it. I figured that it was one of those "Let's see just how drunk, high and stupid we can get!" books, the ones that glorify the idiocy that is being a teenager. I went through that, I lived through it, even had fun with it at the time, but I outgrew that phase of my life (earlier than most) and I don't care to read about it now. So I was rather "Meh." about reading this book.

And then my friend, influential by persistence, introduced me to John & Hank Green via VlogBrothers on YouTube. Now, if you've never watched any of their videos, I highly recommend them. They are smart, funny, relevant and always make me think. So, via VlogBrothers, I came to understand John Green a bit, and realize that I had underestimated him. So, the next time I came across "Looking for Alaska", I picked it up. And this book did not forget to be awesome.

Right away, I was glad that I "met" John via VlogBrothers before reading the book. I could really feel his personality in it, and his intelligence and sense of humor. But I also felt like it was a story that he took seriously. Not only because of the serious subject matter, but because he captured the permanent impermanence of being a teen without making it feel like a joke. Everything now is forever until what was is yesterday and everything NOW is forever. Looking back on my teenage years, the furthest out I could imagine was 21, and that was only for the legal ability to drink. My friends were still my friends in this imagining, my life was still my life, as if the only thing that would change was my age. We just can't picture where things will take us. By the time I hit 21, I was so far from the predicted life I had thought I'd have that if someone had bet me a million dollars that I would have been there, I'd be out of a million dollars.

My point is that I liked the way that John portrayed these characters as having everything in front of them, to look forward to, but still they live in the moment as if that future never gets any closer. I loved that they were booksmart brilliant, but still make the same stupid mistakes and errors in judgment as anyone else. I love that they latch on to an idea and hold onto it despite realizing that it is slipping away anyway, because everything does and we change despite ourselves.

I loved Miles, or Pudge as he's called. I feel like I understood him. He's bookish, nerdy, a bit of a loner by necessity rather than choice, at least until he's around people who are ready to accept someone like him. Those people primarily being Alaska and Chip, aka The Colonel, who are both outrageous, brilliant and wild, and bring Pudge out of his shell a bit. Pudge forms an instant and close friendship with both of them, one that changes his life.

As much as I loved Pudge, I loved The Colonel more. He is one of those characters that, for me, just hop off the page and into being. I would have been friends with him. I liked that he came from humble beginnings, and that he and his mother weren't afraid to aspire to be better, that they weren't afraid to show how hard they work for something, that they weren't ashamed of who they are but rather proud of it. I loved that while he was as willing to play hard and get into trouble as anyone, he still took his priorities, which were his studies, seriously. I loved his loyalty and his determination to follow everything he started through to the end. He was definitely my favorite character here.

My least favorite character was actually Alaska. I don't know if this is because she's a female teenager written by a man, or if she just represented all (or at least a large chunk) of the things in teen girls that annoy me, but I just couldn't really like her. I can certainly see why Pudge would, why lots of teen boys would, but I just didn't. She was too much. Too wishy-washy, too moody, too impulsive, too flirty, too wild, too mysterious, too smart for her own good, too damaged-and-knew-it, too aware of her effect on others. But not all of these things are bad. And not all of them bother me individually, but all together, it was just too much and I couldn't care about her like The Colonel or Takumi or Lara or even Pudge did. And I find this last the worst, because Pudge is telling this story, so I should understand his feelings for her, but they just seemed shallow to non-teenage me. Attraction and flirtation do not equal love - unless you're 16 and a hopeful idealist.

But the one thing that I think affected me the most about Alaska is her sense of responsibility for others. She seems to take on the well-being and happiness of others as her own obligation, and the burden of guilt when she doesn't succeed. And it struck me that the guilt of failing someone is like a physical thing that can be passed on or spread. Alaska failed someone she loved, and then Pudge failed Alaska, and the guilt spreads.

Shortly after the shift from "Before" to "After" (which was a storytelling method I loved!), I realized why Alaska left the school that night, and I waited for the guys to figure it out as well. Normally, I would be disappointed that I figured it out before the main character, but this is not the type of "mystery" that gets solved like that. It's a human mystery, one where the only person able to solve it is the one you seek and cannot find.

I loved the depth of this book, particularly the philosophical aspects of their World Religions class. I wish I could have taken a class, and had a teacher like that. This book, and the class it depicted, makes you look at life, the world, and meaning itself differently. I am glad that I read it, because it was so much more than I thought it would be. And I officially declare myself to have been wrong. John Green, can you ever forgive me?

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Friday Flashback Review (9): Horns by Joe Hill ★★★★★

Friday Flashback is hosted by Jen from The Introverted Reader.
This review was originally written on April 3, 2010.

Remember, way back at the beginning of the year, when I said that I wanted to hump Hugh Laurie's leg for writing The Gun Seller? After reading Horns, and just the ARC - not even the finished, shiny and perfect masterpiece - I want to hump Joe Hill's leg for writing it.

Not too long ago, I read Hill's short story collection, 20th Century Ghosts, and in the intro, Christopher Golden says that Hill is subtle writer, that his stories are "promises fulfilled". I think that Golden's words about Joe Hill are even more apt when it comes to Horns. This is Joe Hill fulfilling his promise to readers. Horns is his promise to the world that he can keep pulling new and amazing tricks out of his bag, and each one will be better than the last.

I'm sad that I'm finished, that it's over. I feel like I should just flip back to the beginning and read it again, because I know, without a doubt, that it will be even more brilliant the 2nd time around.

Joe Hill's subtlety and brilliance is much more in evidence and has more effect in this book than any of his other books I've read. I don't even know how to gush enough to do justice to what I want to say! I feel like with every line that I read, there was another line behind it that added to the depth of the one I'd just read. The way that he wrote Lee was amazing. Seeing things through his eyes was truly scary and disturbing. (I don't want to give too much away about his character, but I will say this, I think that Joe Hill wrote Lee Tourneau better than his father, Stephen King, wrote Junior Rennie.) When Ig sermonizes to the snakes, I was proud of him in that moment. Not simply for finally realizing that the snakes were his, but for his understanding of truth, and life, and love in that moment, and for accepting Merrin's decision that last night as being her right, even though it destroyed him. I feel like Joe Hill wrote these things, but then I also feel like he didn't write them, that he doesn't have to write them because they just seep out of the pages and into me. Merrin's letter is another one of those 'between the lines' bits. My heart hurt reading her letter to Ig, I felt like I was losing something myself, and I hurt for them. I definitely had some sympathy for the devil at that moment.

Which brings me to my next couple of points. I love how music works its way into Hill's writing and stories, and the depth that it gives them. It's not just there for set dressing or for a pop culture stamp to place the story into a familiar territory for the reader, one gets the feeling that not only is music important to Hill, but that it is vital to him. I feel like he was speaking through Ig when he was appalled at Lee's lack of music appreciation, his plain statement that music is simply the background noise to events or action. Music is something that some people live and breathe, and I feel like Joe is one of those people, and because he is, so was Ig.

I also loved the devilish humor inserted throughout the story. I love when a book can take me from one extreme to another, and this was no exception. I went from confusion, to shock, to laughter, to tears, to laughter, to more tears, etc. Every page brought some new revelation, and to me, Hill's timing with the humor and the heartache were spot on.

I further loved the full picture of Merrin we got, even though we never got to really meet her. We got a composite of her from various other sources, like a police sketch artist making a picture from one person describing the nose, another describing the shape of the eyes, another giving us the hair, or the mouth, or the jawline, etc. Merrin's loss hit me like a ton of bricks, even though I knew about it from the beginning. But it still hurt, because I came to love her the way that Ig did - even though there was a brief time that I disliked her when I saw her through Lee's eyes. Even though I knew it was hopeless, I still wanted to hope that something would happen to magically reverse what actually DID happen. That was wishful thinking, but what I'm saying is that Joe Hill made me feel that way, despite knowing what I knew about the impossibility of that.

I both loved and hated the way that people would spill their deepest and darkest thoughts to Ig, and I really felt for him having to endure the awful things that people thought about him. I couldn't imagine hearing those kinds of things from the people I love, and the people who are supposed to love me. Everyone claims to want the truth about how people feel about us, but I think that the plain, unvarnished truth is awful and unbearable. In my head, I can hear Jack Nicholson yelling, "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!" and it's true. I would have probably just crawled in a hole somewhere if people had said to me what they said to Ig. So, kudos to him for being stronger than I am.

I think that's enough gushing... There's a lot more that I wrote down to mention, but I think you all get the point now, don't you?

If you haven't already, read this book. Discover the greatness that is Joe Hill. I'm waiting! :)

 Oh yeah. :D

What Would Scroggins Say? Annie On My Mind by Nancy Garden

In honor of Banned Books Week, and in light of criticism of Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson, Twenty Boy Summer by Sarah Ockler and Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. by a certain Morality Judge of the World (Hey there Mr. Scroggins! And I didn't even know you were running!), I've started wondering what he would have to say about other great and important books... I'm sure that it was incredibly hard for him to narrow down the choices to only three. But, since he didn't impose give his opinion on other books, we'll just have to guesstimate!

So here's my first "WWSS?" post... The book being Scrogginspected is Annie On My Mind, by Nancy Garden.

What Would Scroggins Say?: This book is a danger to teens and young adults. It is an enticement to the fragile, developing brain of impressionable youngsters to engage in PORNOGRAPHY and HOMOSEXUALITY! The teens in this book are RULE BREAKERS! One of the girls even set up an EAR PIERCING station in the school, which caused ear infections! This girl is the STUDENT BODY PRESIDENT! Is this the role model you wish your children to aspire to be? On several occasions, they bare their IMAGINATIONS in public! They even utilize the empty home of a TEACHER for their DALLIANCES, although it's no wonder, since the students obviously picked up the GAY VIBES from the teachers themselves, which, much like a parasite burrowed into the IMAGINATION of the students and spread like a disease! IT'S CONTAGIOUS! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!! The progression from becoming GAY to engaging in BESTIALITY and NECROPHILIA is a slippery slope! PROTECT THE CHILDREN!!

What I Say: All jokes aside, it scares me that people actually DO think like that. It's a ridiculous and insidious fear-based method of control. People who think this way are afraid, and so they seek to spread their influence through fear in order to control others.

So let me say this now: There is no need to fear people who simply choose to love a little differently than you do.
Annie On My Mind is a celebration of finding oneself and finding someone to accept and love you for who you are. This book is about courage and understanding and strength and conviction. This book is about standing up for what is right, not simply what is easy. This book is about telling the world that nobody has the right to tell anyone else where their happiness should come from.

Wesley Scroggins gives me a reason to fear - but it's not the one he intended. In his closed-minded judgment, in his willingness to dictate what should be taught - not just to his own children, or even his own classes, but the entire school, and surely beyond, if he can manage it, and in his ignorance and twisted perceptions of what constitutes "pornography", he frightens me.

Do not let ignorance like that Mr. Scroggins has shown dictate your lives. His arguments against Speak, Twenty Boy Summer and Slaughterhouse-Five are ridiculous. He is ridiculous for trying to stifle free expression and thought, for trying to stifle creativity and art, for trying to stifle learning and knowledge. Hopefully you think my parody of his type of arguments is equally ridiculous.

We need to move forward toward progress and understanding and acceptance, not backwards into hatred and fear and superstition. That is all. 

If you would like to do your own "What Would Scroggins Say?" parody, I'd love to see it! Please link to your post below. :)

Character Connection (2): Dominic Birdsey

Character Connection is a weekly meme hosted by Jen at The Introverted Reader every Thursday. It's where we get to discuss our favorite book characters and what we love about them!

This week's post is about a character that I love from one of my favorite books... Dominic Birdsey.

If you are not familiar with him, let me introduce you. Dominic is the main character in Wally Lamb's book I Know This Much Is True. He is 40 years old, and paints houses for a living... and he has issues. Serious ones. First, and definitely not the least of which is his twin brother, Thomas, who is a paranoid schizophrenic who has been in and out of institutions and half-way houses for all of his adult life, leaving Dominic responsible for his care.

The book opens with the line, "On the afternoon of October 12, 1990, my twin brother Thomas entered the Three Rivers, Connecticut Public Library, retreated to one of the rear study carrels, and prayed to God the sacrifice he was about to commit would be deemed acceptable."

With a knock on his door, Dominic is then sucked into a kind of downward-spiral where all of his problems come to a head at once. Poor guy. He doesn't have it easy and things definitely get worse before they get better. When Thomas mutilates himself, Dominic tries to prevent his brother from being sent to a state-run and very unsympathetic maximum security mental facility.

Dominic isn't a nice man and it is easy not to like him. He tends to blame everyone else for everything that goes wrong in his life. His relationships with everyone are complicated and messy and ugly, but his brother most of all. They share a bond that is both sacred and horrifying to Dominic, because he fears that he might end up just like Thomas and not be able to tell reality from delusion. His mother is meek and quiet and essentially something of a doormat for her overbearing and abusive husband, the boys' step-father, who has always considered Thomas to be a "sissy boy" who just needs toughening up. Dominic blames her for not being strong enough to protect the boys from him. And to cap it all, he has also recently separated from his beloved wife after losing their child to SIDS when the grief proved to be too much to work through, and he insensitively blames her for not being strong enough to make it work between them.

With all this going on, he starts to learn more about who he is and where he came from, which is long overdue. I love his reluctant journey toward this understanding of himself, and I have to say that despite him, he is one of my favorite characters to read about.  I feel like I can understand why he is the way he is, and that is one of my favorite things about this book. I cannot identify with him because his experiences are so very unlike my own, but through the book, I feel like I know him.

Dominic's story is a fascinating look into the relationships between people, between brothers, twins, families coping with mental illness, love, loss, regret, and identity.